No Ball Games Allowed

Inspired by another series of signs I saw in Edinburgh, in the most depressing suburb around. It was sad because I really liked Edinburgh and found it a very friendly place, apart from this miserable collection of houses. Entry for yesterday, 06/06/11

No Ball Games Allowed,
No Fun Permitted
Loud Noises (Laughing) Frowned upon,
And Dogs also STRICTLY Prohibited.

No bicycles, or skating either,
No scooters or anything with wheels,
(Well, with cars, of course,
We've made an exception,
They're grown-up, serious and a different deal)

No teenagers allowed in shop,
In groups of 2 or more,
No Caps, no hats, no carry-sacks,
Or you'll be shown the door.

No sneers, no jeers, no open beers,
No cackles and no foul language,
No singlets, shorts or bright flip-flops
(they're most especially dangerous).

The fact is we don't know you,
And, quite frankly,
Don't want to, either.
We don't like the looks of you,
Or the smell, the sound or feel of you, neither.

Just bugger off, would you now?
We don't want to ask again.
In short summary:
We don't trust you as far as we can throw you,
And we don't like to throw things very far.